If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
