p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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