you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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