I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
