Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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