Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Randomize
