I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
