youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
