Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
