i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
