She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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