i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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