I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
