The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
