I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
