Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
