i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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