update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
