So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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