I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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