This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everything about him screamed your future.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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