hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
