Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
