You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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