I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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