I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
