Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
