You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
