Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I need to stop coming to work sober
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
