I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
