I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
