im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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