I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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