Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
