he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
