After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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