I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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