fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
