mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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