does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
