Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
