I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
