you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
