i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
