We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
third nipple confirmed
Damn victory sex feels great
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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