your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
