Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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