I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
