if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
