Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
