Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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