i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
