I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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