My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
