I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
